A guide for Alyssa Milano: how to tell if the vampire you are having sex with is a bit old-fashioned? First, he spends so fucking long kissing every part of your naked ribcage, only sometimes remembering that you have boobs. Second, he spends even more time sucking on your bare stomach and probably getting drunk on your hot blood scent. Third, he sends you straight porn dreams where he’s still wasting time above your nude body next to more sex partners. Finally, you two are in an old Hollywood movie, so your sex is quite bloomy and highly aesthetic.